Limericks : the Iberian cycle

These machisto boys in Madrid
Are totally ruled by their id
It's all ¡hola, mona!
¿Vamos joder, you wanna?
¿But who will take care of the kid?

Not like the boys in Segovia
Who - so I'm told - are much suavier
Well yes - that may be
But once it's after three
Their clammy wet paws´ll be all overya

A waitress in old Salamanca
Was being wooed by an investment banker
He said ¡Hey guapa!
She said ¡Hey stop-a!
I think you're a disgusting wanker.

In the picaresque city of Cadiz
I'll tell you what the latest fad is
The sailors at leisure
Line up for their pleasure
With the amiable serving wench, Gladys .

A scholarly lad from Granada
Was celibate, which made him sad. A
classmate said, "chic
-o, the fact you're a geek
is the reason que no pasa nada".

Young Nadia from Barcelona
Her family said they'd disown her
Cause her boyfriend Jordi
During sex was quite wordy
And Nadia herself was a moaner.

The plain people of Ireland:
We suppose that you think you are clever
Using language which frankly would never
be approved at home
or by the clergy in Rome
You do know that hell is forever?!

The management:
Oh spare me your fake indignation
And your threats of eternal damnation
You know very well
There's no real hell
Unless you count my last vacation