Two limericks

Not in Spanish, you´ll be relieved to know:



There's a type of a bawd called a strumpet
Who - I'm told - can be played like a trumpet
But when you have paid
That streetwalking jade
Then, sir, you can like it or lump it!



Her amorous cousin, the trollop
Ladles out love by the dollop
In legend of old
She's a heart of pure gold
Snopes.com says that that's just codswallop!

The plain people of Ireland: Eilish, Sinead - get over here - guess who yer man has on his blog today! It's that American movie star, Julia Roberts. Look - that's her with that Richard Gere fella in "Pretty Woman"! Won the Oscar for that one back in 1990. Remember - Father Finnegan tried to have it boycotted because of that scene where she flashes the coloured con-doms at yer man..

The management: Excuse me! Let's stick to the facts here. The motion picture for which Ms Roberts received the Oscar for showing off her decolletage to devastating effect was "Erin Brockovich", not "Pretty Woman".

The plain people of Ireland: No matter. She's still one handsome woman, teeth or no teeth, you have to give her that.

The management: Indeed. And does it not bother you at all that in the motion picture "Pretty Woman" Miss Roberts played the role of a common streetwalker, a strumpet, a lady of easy virtue?

The plain people of Ireland: Yerrah, spit it out man! You mean she was a hooker!

The management: Exactly.

The plain people of Ireland: How much of an eejit are you? This is Julia Roberts, America's sweetheart. Sure she was no ordinary hooker. That was the whole point. She was a hooker with a heart of gold.

The management: dear God.

The plain people of Ireland: So, can we take it that all this versifying means you're feeling yourself again?

The management: oh, yes indeed. Thank you for your concern.