More regrettable doggerel

This one definitely is inspired by current events:

The train station john's kind of icky
But convenient if you want a quicky
You can go just to cottage
Or engage in some frottage
Though the floors are deplorably sticky.

This one too:

Ode to a recently departed royal couple

Knight errant of the football field
Of course I mean you, David Beckham
Your twinkle toes like weapons you wield
But your knees, it's like you're trying to wreck 'em.


The City of Angels welcomes you with open arms
And your lovely wife too, Victoria "Posh" Spice
And I'm sure everyone hopes you can keep out of harm's
Way. And your glamorous consort too because she seems so very nice.


And though it's true that when you left Spain, no tears were shed in Madrid.
Nor, for that matter, was there any evidence of rampant grief in the streets of Valladolid.
I'm sure that, although people in Spain thought your wife was a bitch,
That you will show them what they missed when and if you finally manage to strut your stuff on the soccer pitch.

---

The plain people of Ireland: Oh 'tis limericks you want, is it? Here's a nice clean one for you:

When I think of the hosts without no.
Who are slain by the deadly cuco.
'Tis quite a mistake
Of this food to partake
It results in a permanent slo.