Saturday, April 11, 2009

Fake Words (Corporate Edition)

  • Exxonerate: to display excessive leniency towards companies charged with environmental pollution.
  • Michelinzer Torte: a fruit tart with a strange, rubbery consistency.
  • Aviscerate: to total one's rental car; alternatively, to steal the engine out of a parked rental car.
  • Benettoner: multi-hued all-purpose toner for color copiers.
  • Go for a Halliburton: to absquatulate, to pull a disappearing act after embezzling huge sums of money.
  • Firestonewalling: to block an opponent's passage by erecting a barrier of old tires; the burning of tires as a form of civil disobedience during a gay rights demonstration.
  • Cingularity: a communications black hole.
  • Chrysleriana: Schumann's recently discovered "Detroit suite" for piano.
  • Heinekenning: a characteristic feature of 19th century German romantic poetry. Example: Hopfenblut, or "hop's blood", meaning "beer".
  • Dijon Vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before. (I cannot take credit for this, alas)

and a few other, non-corporate, terms -

  • Feefifobia: fear of giants.
  • Fobia: fear of misspeled words.
  • Bentholaryngomania: an obsession with the movie "Deep Throat".
  • Ichthyodigitalophagist: an eater of fish fingers.
  • Sherpes: a viral infection endemic to the Himalayas.
  • Blandau: An undistinguished four-wheeled carriage; the antithesis of the hansom cab. Not quite as passive-aggressive as the sulky.
  • Warmageddon: the likely result of uncontrolled climate change.

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