Sunday, September 20, 2009

Altruism run amok

"Visitors to London always have to be on the look out for pickpockets, but now there's another, more positive phenomenon on the loose - putpockets. Aware that people are suffering in the economic crisis, 20 former pickpockets have turned over a new leaf and are now trawling London's tourist sites slipping money back into unsuspecting pockets."

- Reuters: 'Putpockets' secretly slip cash into bags and pockets, 24 August 2009.

Ever since first reading about this whole 'putpocket' phenomenon, we here at MOTP central have been fascinated. In an era where news organizations world wide are having to cut back on such luxuries as foreign correspondents, we felt sure that there was more to the story than Reuters might have been able to track down. So, sparing no expense, we did a little investigation of our own. The results were sobering, as this brief report from our roving correspondent suggests:

More sinister examples of the eleemosynary impulse gone awry have also been reported. Scotland Yard is particularly interested in locating the shadowy figure they have dubbed the "barracuda", whose modus operandi is to drug and kidnap unsuspecting visitors from hotels in the city centre, and transport them to a warehouse which has been outfitted as a dentist's office, where they are subjected to multiple tooth implants before being returned to their hotels.

According to a police spokesman:"Although the charitable impulse of this reverse tooth fairy might be considered admirable, the execution has often been problematic. In particular, the use of children's teeth to augment existing adult dentition has resulted in some victims waking up with far more than a regular complement of teeth, up to as many as 44 in extreme cases".

Another worrying trend has been the increased number of reports of hotel guests waking up in a bathtub full of ice, with fresh incision scars, to find that they have been the recipients of a third kidney.

Here at MOTP, we will continue to monitor developments in this ongoing saga of altruism run amok. Our readers deserve no less.


Anonymous said...

While it may be hard to believe, there are some to whom this term may be unfamiliar. For those who have forgotten their medieval latin, I post this:


[ad. med.L. ele{emac}mosyn{amac}rius, f. ele{emac}mosyna: see ALMS.]

A. adj.

1. Of or pertaining to alms or almsgiving; charitable. eleemosynary house, corporation, one established for the distribution of alms, etc.

Baked Do-Goods said...

OMG! I woke up today and found an Empanada of Unknown Shape and Hence Filling in my pocket!

Anonymous said...

You could always donate the empanada to the local eleemosynary house. The poor are not fussy. "For those who have nothing, it is forbidden not to relish filth"

Anonymous said...

Relishing filth sounds oddly 'lobison'-like.

Anonymous said...

El ratoncito Perez dijo: Dios mio! Este es la explicacion por que faltan muchos dientes de mi tesoro!

(The little mouse Perez: OMG. This is the reason so many teeth have gone missing from my collection!)